Yesterday was my friend David's Birthday and at a loss as to what to give my treasured friend, I hope that words will mean more than anything else.
I've known Dave for a few years now. We met professionally when I managed and helped arrange renovations to his rental property on his behalf.
What began as a simple task turned into a mammoth effort full of fantastic ideas, careful planning and epic design. David knew in his mind what he wanted, but actually putting pen to paper was another story...
The general theme was all things New York City. I was more than equipped to assist as I <3 NYC! It was well before I had been there myself but I had been dying to go for many years prior, so it was a really fun project for me personally.
During the design process, it came to my attention that Dave was, well, different.
He was (and still is) eccentric, but that wasn't it.
He was (and still is) extremely intelligent, but that wasn't it.
He was (and still is) a perfectionist, but that wasn't it either.
We sat together many times while he tried to articulate what he wanted but all he did was scribble random things on to bits of paper. What made sense in his mind, certainly didn't make any sense to me to look at and be able to bring to life!
He could clearly see that I was lost to which he politely explained that he suffered from a disorder called Latent Somethingorother. I can never remember the name but basically, if he looks at a tree, he doesn't see a tree. He sees the colour and the bark and the leaves, as all independent and very different absract things. I cannot explain it as well as he can, but I often wonder what it must be like to have that kind of brain capacity and function? That brilliance and intellect. For me, a tree is a tree. The end. To this day, I believe, and often tell him so, that he has no disorder.....he's just a 'scribbler' :-)
Time came and went. Months went by and I'd occasionally run into Dave here and there but it would be some time before he popped up again in my life and stay there. As it turns out, it was not long after my Husband walked out, nearly two years ago. Dave happened to drop into the office, looking for a rental property.
He knew that I had been married, but he'd not heard that I wasn't any more. Very innocently, he asked how married life was. He, of course, wasn't to know otherwise. I briefly filled him in, and he immediately invited me for coffee.
I was a little bit suspicious, I'll admit it. I wondered why on earth he cared? He knew my ex-Husband's Brother fairly well...was he fishing for information to report back to the family? Was he just a natural sticky beak? Was he masochistic and just enjoyed seeing people in pain?
I quickly realised that wasn't the case at all and I could slap myself for ever thinking that he was anything other than a kind man, extending love and friendship to a lost soul.
And so began our tale....
We caught up for several coffees, usually once a week during my lunch hour, before he finally said that he needed to talk to me about something. Intrigued, I agreed to meet with him.
He waffled on with rubbish, which is very normal for him, and I let him, before it finally got the better of me. He was a little too wound up....
"Dave, what did you want to talk to me about?" I asked.
He turned white.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
He quickly recovered and I asked again....
"What's up? You wanted to talk to me about something important. Here I am. Talk"
"I'm going on a holiday!" he said.
"That's nice, but bullsh*t. What's going on?"
We sat in silence and he put his head down slightly and lowered his eyes to the floor.
"I'm gay"
"Yeah, I know" I said and smiled.
His head snapped up and he looked me directly in the eyes.
"You know?! But how?"
"Well I kind of assumed but it's not something you really just come right out and ask someone is it?" I said.
"I was so scared of telling you! I thought you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore!"
I immediately told him to stop being so silly!
It was true though. There were many things that made me think he might have been, even though I didn't know for sure. He is fastidious with his appearance, quite effeminate in his gestures but mostly, he just seem to feel things deeper than any man I've ever known. It really didn't come as a shock to me. It certainly didn't change my opinion of him or detract me from his lovely, caring nature. For me, what is in a persons heart, means far more to me than their colour, race, religious beliefs or sexual preference.
In Dave, I have found a kindred spirit. A sweeter soul doesn't exist and I have found in him a true friendship.
We laugh constantly. He is a ratbag sometimes, and I marvel at his ability to be so vain, but so thoughtful of other people at the same time. I don't mean that terribly at all. He is a real chatterbox and we have thoughtful and reflective conversations about life, faith and love. We talk about his ambitions as a an entrepreneur and I have no doubt that one day soon, he will do great things.
He is a skilled businessman and website designer. He is a kind and caring family man. A man devout in his faith, who struggled devastatingly when he realised his ultimate life's path.
A decision to live his life as a gay man, was fraught with many hurdles. So many coffees and heartfelt discussions. So much indecision. I do like to think that my complete and unconditional acceptance of him as a human being, and a treasured part of not only my life, but in the lives of many others, and the ability to voice his concerns in a safe environment, helped him come to terms with something that cannot be changed. He is who he is.
It is only my opinion but for what it's worth, I choose to believe that God loves us all. And I think that he would rather we live our lives being true to ourselves, than living a lie.
The journey has been an interesting one. As a co-owner of a successful bridal store, he has battled with tradition and what society deems acceptable. There have been demons battled - both together and alone. Some poor decisions made in the learning process. Mistakes made. Errors in judgement. Lessons learned. Although, that is true for all of us. But he asks for my opinion and I give it. Truthfully and honestly. I don't mince my words with him and I do like to think that my honesty is a comforting to him. He can always be exactly who is, with me.
Toowoomba is extremely narrowminded, lets face it and through discussions with him and other gay friends of mine, I've learned that it can be extremely difficult to find love in this town. It is hard for anyone, in fact and I am testiment to that!
So while I was sad when he told me he was moving to the Gold Coast, I was sad for me, not for him.
There probably isn't a better place for him to be! As a lover of the finer things in life....the beautiful homes, the amazing scenery, the expensive cars, the nightlife, the eccentricity, the glitz, the glamour, the people....Perfect.
After a difficult start to the year for both of us, we spent Easter together and enjoyed each others company immensely. He whizzed me around the Gold Coast in his red BMW convertible with the Black Eyed Peas cranking on the stereo. There were many lattes had and with both of us nursing broken hearts, it would only be appropriate to match the coffees with the in-depth discussions about the future, the present and the past. We pointed out cute boys for each other and shared lots of laughs. Good food, amazing company and plenty of giggles.
It has been a couple of months between proper catch ups and I've been working a lot recently but we message each other often and call whenever time permits.
I know that he was sad that I missed spending his Birthday with him, but he has plenty of other amazing friends and family who took good care of him and spoilt him rotten.
But for my special little 414, now and always, I wish him a life full of love, laughs and adventure.
Happy Birthday Darling. Forever friends and forever in my heart.
And if there were 414 ways to tell you how special you are to me every day, then I would tell you :-)
Grateful.
