Day 11 - Today I am grateful for....Sleep

Today I am grateful for....Sleep

Words cannot express how grateful I will be to snuggle up into my bed tonight and get some sleep.
 

I'm not a person who suffers from insomnia, however, due to another illness that I suffer, I miss out on the restorative sleep that most other people experience. I envy the people who wake up every day feeling refreshed. Lucky you! Suffice to say, most days I wake up feeling worse than when I went I went to sleep but....I do sleep. And I sleep as much as humanly possible.

It is well renowned that I could sleep on a rosebush if I was tired enough. I can and have fallen asleep in a very loud and very busy nightclub. This may or may not have been more acceptable had I been inebriated. I was however, stone cold sober (as per usual), very tired and...it was a really good sleep. I can sleep anywhere and if I'm tired enough, I do. Hospital floors, a Yankees game in Yankee Stadium in NYC, the side of the road, septic tanks, in the back of my little hyundai, under tables in restaurants, nightclubs, in a swag, in a chair....in fact just about anywhere.

Obviously when my Ex-Husband left, there were many sleepless nights, to which very thankfully, the medical profession intervened and supplied me sleeping tablets. I relied heavily on them for several months. If I managed to get to sleep, the nightmares were hideous and I invariably woke up thinking. My brain kept attacking me for the many reasons that my marriage went wrong. Thankfully, the tablets worked, and as time passed, I was able to slow my brain down, wean myself off all medication and my sleeping patterns returned to normal. I dream very rarely now unless I'm really tired and I very rarely wake up thinking. All part of the healing process I guess.

More recently though, in the past couple of months, my body has again begun to tell me that I'm weary and probably should be resting a little bit more than I do. But somehow, my mind twists everything and I keep thinking that the world will go into lockdown if I'm not there. My rational brain tells me this isn't true of course, but my irrational brain always tells me that someone needs me, I've made a commitment to be somewhere, I need to be out of the house, or God forbid...I might miss out on something.

As an adult, I should know better but old habits die hard I guess. So I thoroughly look forward to whatever sleep I can cram into my day.

After pretending last night that I wasn't 30 and didn't have to work today, I partied with all the cool kids until after midnight. (And yes, I am aware of how utterly lame that sounds, but believe me when I tell you that's a late night for me). When my brain kicked in, it reminded me that I had to work and don't cope without sleep, I went home. Which would have been fine if my very-drunk-man-friend (I'm too old for a boyfriend) wasn't up for a chit chat until 2am. Bloody men! Honestly.

So my proposed 8 hours sleep turned into 5 and now I'm ready to collapse with exhaustion. My whole body hurts and I have a headache. I'm pretty glad that I avoided the alcohol to go with my late night or the accompanying hangover to go with said lack-of-sleep may have actually killed me! The only saving grace for working all day today, was the company, a quick catch up with some girlfriends after work and having dinner cooked for me by above said chatty man-friend.....oh and the fact that I'm going to sleep very very soon.

So today, I'm prempting my grateful to something that is coming. Sleep. Very very soon :-)

Day 10 - Today I am grateful for....Birthdays!

Today I am grateful for....Birthdays!

Birthdays....Balloons, Cake, Candles. It's always the same. Laughter, fun and presents. Surrounded by people you love and whom love you. A day where YOU are celebrated for being you!


However, attention must be paid for the one's who got us here. Our Mums. There's something to be said for the Mother's that go through the pain. The one's who made us from scratch and got us here in one piece. Every year is the same for me. I may or may not have taken 36 hours to get here and my Mother may or may not jokingly forget when my actual Birthday is each year (It's the 5th of March, but she always thinks it's the 3rd), but it's totally fine. I got here in the end. But every year she always reminds me of the pain she went through...."You don't know the pain I went through....!" hmmm. No, she's right. I don't. But I'm close because she reminds me each year, God love her :-)

I've never been big on Birthdays, my own at least. It kind of comes and goes and never fails to remind me that I've achieved nothing in the 12 months prior, oh and that I'm a year older than I was last time. But other people's Birthday are a whole other story...

Today marks the day of birth for 3 of my lovely friends, Bradley, Tiffany & Megan.

Bradley and I have been friends for around 7 years or more now. We've been through everything together - laughed, cried and enjoyed a very special friendship. Even when I was married, Bradley & I always shared Date night on a Wednesday. This used to constitute watching McLeod's Daughters or Grey's Anatomy. Well, he would sleep on my floor while I lay on my bed watching said shows. We did everything together. An extension of each other. Best Friends. People used to frequently assume that we were in a relationship. Boyfriends didn't believe me that we had never and to this day, have never been anything more than just friends. But they were told from the get-go that he was a part of my life and Hell would freeze over before I ever let him go. He ended up being Best Man at my wedding, not only because he was my friend, but also because he would have looked terrible in a dress. He is an amazing man and I love that we are like peas and carrots. So different, yet so the same. Bradley has recently (2 years ago - ha ha) found the woman of his dreams, Megan and plans to marry her in October 2011, and I'm thrilled. There are too many fabulous reasons why I love Bradley and treasure his friendship. And today....he turns 30. An epic Birthday!

Miss Tiffany also has an epic Birthday to mark today, and that is of the 21 variety. The big 2-1. My goodness, that seems like such a long time ago for me. By comparison, Tiff and I have been friends for a very short time but what a fabulous time we've shared. Tiff works in the RE/MAX Wonderland with me and has injected fun and enthusiasm into our office. Her positive attitude and "awesomeness" is unsurpassed. Each day she takes the time out to send an email with a positive thought for the day to pep us all up. We laugh all the time, at work and outside of work. We share secrets, laugh and cry together. She has a brilliant sense of humour and the ability to laugh at herself. She is my little blonde pocket rocket and I love her to bits.

Megan is turning a secret number today. For me at least, any number over 30 is a secret. I believe I shall be 30 forever. Megan is my boss, well one of them. Together with her Sisters, Bianca & Katie, and their Mum & Dad, Lynelle & Ian, they are RE/MAX Success. Megan is the fabulous Office Manager of the RE/MAX Wonderland. She has seen me (and almost everyone else in my office) through every crisis known to man....on a daily basis. She is patient, kind and funny. Oh and a super-Mum to Leroy & Lincoln. As a long standing staff member, her door is always open for me and all of my silly concerns in life. She's sat with me when I cry, and laughs at me when I'm silly. Inside and out of work, she's a star!

So Happy Birthday Friends! Today I'm grateful for you and I hope you are all having a fabulous day!

Day 9 - Today I am grateful for....Happy News on a Sad Day

Today I am grateful for....Happy News on a Sad Day

I received a message this morning with news of the tragic passing of a friend of mine, and I think my heart stopped momentarily. Surely not? There must be some kind of mistake? He was so young! Their family has been through so much already. I literally couldn't think of a useful thing to say. My whole heart hurt, not only for the loss of a friend but for his family and other people who knew and loved him.

And I couldn't help but wonder, what possible lesson could there be in this horrific loss? I don't understand God sometimes. Why do such terrible things happen to good people? It literally makes no sense to me. I prayed for his family and (most selfishly) for my day to pass quickly as my concentration went out the window.



I'm not great with death. I'm not afraid of dying but I don't want to die. There have been times in my life, many years ago, where that has not always been the case. And I'm then humbled and ashamed by that fleeting thought all those years ago, and I wonder how I could ever have been so collosally selfish to think that someone wouldn't miss me? And just like today, a wonderful young man has been cruelly taken away from his family and friends, who will miss him terribly. Where is the justice? Life just isn't fair sometimes.

Moments later, after receiving such heartbreaking news, I received some wonderfully happy news. News that was 10 years in the making. One of my oldest and best friends, Vicki, had become engaged! My heart was instantly filled with immense joy. I'm so very excited for her. And so begins the planning stages of an event to be filled with love and happiness.

Vicki & Nathan are the couple in a relationship that one aspires to be in, in life. Happy, successful and content. So comfortable around each other that they are simply an extension of each other. In 10 years there has been every high and every low imaginable and they have conquered the big stuff together. The uber-perfect couple. I'm in awe of the way they love each other and make each other happy every day.

There were so many emotions flowing around me today, it was very bittersweet. I'm not confident that my heart can fit the two in? So I'm choosing, for today at least, to let the happy fill my heart, instead of the sad.

So for today, I am grateful for happy news on a sad day.

Day 8 - Today I am grateful for....Dinner with the Elks'

Today I am grateful for....Dinner with the Elks'

My dear friend Andrea Elks & I try to catch up at least once per week for dinner with her family and I. Sometimes it's at my house, sometimes it's at hers. Wherever we are, there is warmth and love and laughter.

Andrea & I are kindred spirits and she is a shining light in my life. We've been close for around a year now and I just can't imagine my life without her in it. She helped me (along with many other people whom I will personally mention as my blog comes along) get through the past year. Her positive attitude is inspiring and I treasure her friendship every day. She is my "Tree Hugging Hippy" (by her own admission) and she is an amazing woman. We laugh all the time and share a love for animals.

I could go on for hours about how fabulous she is but I'll save that for another blog. For now, it's the dinners and special times that I'm focused on :-)

Our favourite times together are our dinners. Amongst other things, including wildlife carer, harley-davidson bike rider, barista and environmentalist, Andrea is also an amazing cook. I, on the other hand, am a very basic cook.....

I love visiting her & her Husband, Paul's home in God's Country...aka Murphy's Creek. I've adopted Andrea, Paul, Joey & Kathy as an extension of my family...whether they like it or not.


Miss Kathy now lives with me, so in effect I get a little piece of Andrea with me every day. It's a treat to have some life in my home again.

Tonight, we again shared another happy "family" dinner, at my house. The minutes slip by and before we now it, 3 hours go by and we've no idea where it went. Good times, spent with people who treasure each other's friendship. What better way to spend a Thursday night??

So today, and always, I am grateful for....dinner with the Elks' :-)

Day 7 - Today I am grateful for....The End of the Day

Today I am grateful for....The End of the Day.

I work in Property Management with RE/MAX Success in Toowoomba. I'm not going to lie, I work bloody hard. I'm proud of what I do. I'm proud of what all of us do. Whilst my job may not be physically demanding, it is most definately (some days) mentally demanding.

I've worked in the same industry for nearly 8 years now and it's one that you either love or you hate. There is no middle man. I've seen hundreds of people come and go in our office alone, over the years. Our work is hard.

I refer to the term "our" because my job is a very large part of my life and who I am. My colleagues are like family. We've been through so much together. The good, the bad, the ugly. The tears, the heartache, the triumphs. Family.

In Real Estate, there are some days where it would appear that it is completely impossible to please anyone. There are of course those wonderful days where everyone is happy and we've achieved some real success, but other days (like today) I feel like I'm chasing my tail. I've worked my bum off but I've achieved nothing. Bugger.

I'm really glad to see the arse end of today. It was most definately not the worst day in existence, in fact there were a lot of good things today, but nonetheless, here we are, 5:30pm is here and I feel good about that.


I've never been one to clock watch though. Nothing in the world annoys me more. It's not like the clock hits 5:31pm and I'm out the door. But I do relax a little bit. I don't think there has been a day in my work history even, that I've ever left work on time. I just can't do it. There are just some days though, when the daylight working hours drag their sorry arses along the ground and the day just never seems to end. It always does, it just sometimes takes a little bit longer :-)

Anyone who says they love their job, every minute of every day, is a liar. Unless your job is to sit on a banana lounge and sip on cocktails all day, then maybe I'd believe you but even then I think I'd be bored after awhile.

But, it's the end of the day. I can hang up my work troubles on the hook outside my back door and I shall pick up those troubles on the way back to work tomorrow. They'll still be there. It's the end of the day and I choose to enjoy the 12hrs until I'm on my way back.

But sometimes, like today, I'm so glad to see the end of the day. Hello 5:30pm - are you here already? It's lovely to see you :-)

Day 6 - Today I am grateful for....My "Kids"

Today I am grateful for....My "Kids".

Currently, to date, God has not blessed me with children of my own. What he has blessed me with however, are my animals, George, Charlie & Lily Armstrong. My children of the four legged variety.

How sweet it is to come home to three faces that are so happy to see me. What else is there in life?

I've always been an animal lover. Always. Animals have always been an integral part of my family and home life and always will be. I love all animals (except spiders but they don't count) and I abhor animal cruelty. I will never understand people who don't love animals or who would ever hurt an animal. It  makes my blood run cold. My pets have it good in our home. Because that's how you treat a family member. With love :-)

Charlie was the first. He arrived one night as a chapter in my life was closing. I was celebrating my friend Bradley's Birthday with a BBQ at my house. I was also wallowing in my own self pity, as it was the same day I had left my job due to illness. Later in the evening, while the beers were flowing, laughs were being had and the pain of the day had given way to the Birthday celebrations, in walked my little man, Charlie. Bold as you like, he made friends with everyone. I realised quickly that he was likely to be a stray but as he had no collar we couldn't be sure that someone didn't love him. He stayed outside that night but in the morning, he marched up the back steps and through the cat door in the screen (which we had never used prior and most of the time forgot even existed) and promptly plonked himself on my bed. Panicked, I rang my Mum. Should I feed him? What if he belongs to someone? What if they love him and miss him? Well, you'd be right in thinking that I was never going to let him starve and so I fed him. And in my home he stayed. That was 2 years ago. I'm pretty sure he's not going anywhere....my little Ghetto cat.

When we returned home from overseas, I was yearning for something else to look after. I'm horticulturally inept so it was not worth my while to try and keep a plant alive. So we opted for a dog. I wanted a Labrador. And it was as simple as that. And as if it was meant to be, I stumbled across an ad at my local vet surgery, Herriot House, for pure bred yellow labradors. That same afternoon, I took my friend Ryan to Oakey and we came back with George. He's dumb as a box of hammers and I'm sure he's defective, but during the darker parts of the past year, it is George who has regularly put a smile on my face. He loves me unconditionally, just as I love him. He's mad as a snake however, and he has a cast iron stomach. To date, he has eaten paint stripper, a painters mask, cigarettes, glass, plastic, bras, stones, socks, birds (that he didn't catch), shoes and the list goes on. He malts blonde hair everywhere and jumps a lot. But he's George. My curious George. Always happy to see anyone and everyone, as they have not come to MY house to visit ME, they have come to see him....of course. He sits with me when I cry, with his head in my lap and insists on taking up the entire bed at night time. It's sometimes inconvenient to wake up with paws in your face in the morning...but I love him. He is my 40kg shining light.

And then there is Lily. I kind of got sucked in with Lily. Small dogs are not my favourite animals but I desperately needed something to look after when my Husband left, and George needed a friend. I also was feeling slightly unsafe at my home at the time. And given that George would likely lick anyone to death before he ate them, a "noise maker" seemed like a good idea at the time. My Sister's dog, Dot, was having pups and when I attended Michele's 40th Birthday in Theodore at the start of the year, guess who came home with me??? Yep. You guessed it. She's a silky X foxy and is a b*tch with a capital B. She's needy, she's painful, she chews everything and she yaps. But again, I love her. She marches around my house like she owns it and has George wrapped around her little finger. I reckon I could learn a thing or two from her! But it's nice to be needed. It's nice to have someone love you, just as you are.

The three of them get along famously and adore each other. George & Lily especially are inseparable. I think that Charlie mostly tolerates the other two (especially when they insist on pinning him down and giving him kisses all the time) but he's patient and has never attacked either of them. Charlie is definately the alpha male in my house, Ghetto cat and all, he is a force to be wreckoned with.

They don't care if the house is a mess or my hair is out of place or if I'm in my pyjamas. When I feed them VIP Dog Roll, it might as well be rib fillet steak. It's gone in 30 seconds flat. As long as I feed them and cuddle them, they're happy. In turn, they wag their tails and smile at me when I come home. I've never come home to anyone so excited to see me....every day. They cuddle me at night if I'm lonely and let me know if I'm not safe. They are part of my life and we all come as a set. If you don't like it, too bad. If inside animals are not your thing, don't visit. If jumpy happy dogs and ghetto cats with attitude are not your thing, it's a really sad story. I don't care. They are a part of me.

So today, I'm grateful for....my "Kids". A really special part of my life :-)

Day 5 - Today I am grateful for....My Mum & Dad

Today I am grateful for....My Mum & Dad

I feel it appropriate to gush that I have the best parents in the world because....I really do.

My parents, Jocelyn & David are the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

I am the splitting image of my Mother and whilst we are completely different in many ways, in so many other ways we are completely the same. She is loving & honest and strong. So strong. We share a wicked sense of humour and sarcastic wit. We are two peas in a pod and rarely go a day without talking. I carry her heart in my heart.

My Father is gentle, caring and kind. He is quiet and unassuming but has the most amazing sense of humour. We call him the garden gnome and I know now that I should have stuck to my guns and not deviated from the path of looking for a man as brilliant as my Dad. I think they broke the mould when they made him though, so I may be looking for Mr Wonderful for a looooooooooooooooooooooooong time yet.

I had a really happy childhood. I was comfortable. I was happy. I had fun. I was loved.

I'm technically an only child. I have an extended family of Half / Step Brothers & Sisters, whom I love but they are also much older than me. So for most of my life it was always just Mum, Dad, me & our animals, which was just fine with me. I was spoiled only with love.

I'm grateful that my home life was secure and sheltered. I love that my Parents came home every night and we ate dinner together. I love that my Parents held hands and loved each other every day. I love that they still do.

I love that my Parents never fought in front of me. I love that they never drank in front of me. I love that they never even said a swear word in front of me. I love that our home did not contain alcohol or drugs or violence. I love that my Parents spoke to me calmly and rationally and listened to me when I talked. I love that my Dad bought flowers home for my Mum every single week and still does. I love that they turn into pumpkins at 7pm because it meant they were home with me.

I believe that it is due to my safe and happy childhood that I am grounded and settled in life. I was treated as an adult when it was necessary and as a child when I was being a child. I was treated fairly and with respect at all times.

Boundaries were set for me and I rarely deviated from them. I didn't need to. What reason did I have to rebel when life was so good?

I know that there were times when I was a precocious brat when I was growing up. I know that I caused them enormous amounts of pain at times. I know there were times when they worried themselves sick about me. But they were always there. No questions. They were always there to pick up the pieces of my broken hearts and shattered dreams. As an adult, I feel enormous guilt for my poor behaviour at times but forgiveness has always been central to our home, as is unconditional love. Where else can you go in the world and receive that kind of acceptance? Home is where the heart is.

I'm not going to lie. I think parenting is possibly the hardest job in the world. I hope one day, when I am fortunate enough to find someone as amazing as my Dad and am blessed enough to have a relationship as special as my Mum & Dad, that I'm half the Parents' they are and have always been.

They have been there at my lowest lows, and my highest highs. They've cried with me, laughed with me and supported me through everything. The good decisions, the not so good. Every triumph. Every success. They rescue me when I need it. They step back when they know I need to do something on my own. They have faith in my capabilities and my choices. They love me. Just as I am. And I love them. Every day.

So today and every day, I am grateful for my parents. The most wonderful people that I know.

Love you Mum & Dad xxx