It's been a tough few days. My emotions have been all over the shop and I've really struggled to find something in my life to be thankful for.
So many people have said to me, get back to your blog and pull yourself together. And, well, they're right.
But I've lost my way & I've lost patience. Patience with friends, family, work, my pets and worst of all...myself.
I'm overtired and irritable. I've been horrible to be around and am snappy and short. I cry a lot and I'm not sleeping properly. I'm in a collosal amount of pain and I just don't feel like me.
I'm not depressed. I'm not angry. I'm not sad. I'm just not anything at all. An empty shell of my former amazingness.
But really, at the end of the day, the only one who can get me out of my rut is me.
And so today, after 12 days of sulking and feeling ungrateful, I got out there and did some things for me.
I cleaned my car and completely sorted my office. It's a small step towards sorting out my life.
Call it baby steps, call it whatever you like, but it's a start. There are many steps to go but I've made my first one and that's what counts. And a journey starts with one step.....
I feel a little bit more together and after a really good chat, spa and dinner with my friend Brendan tonight, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm looking forward to some goals that I've made for myself and the new leaf which I'm turning over.
Miracles can take some time but I'll never see them and bask in the wonder of them if I continue to stick my head in the sand and hope it all goes away.
And as my Mad Doctor told me a few weeks ago, it's time for me to get a life. So....I will.
But for now and for today, I'm grateful for patience. I'm grateful for people being patient with me while I pull myself out my own self misery and I'm grateful to have learned some patience during this slight diversion from my ultimate grateful goal.
Grateful....again....finally :-)
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