Day 92 - 102 - Today I am grateful for....not being grateful

So I'm not going to lie - I'm clearly a little bit of a failure at this whole being grateful stuff.

I'm sorry that I've let people down. I know that there are some people who have really been enjoying my blog but I just haven't been able to muster my enthusiasm for it. To those of you that are disappointed, I'm sorry.

But these few days hiatus that I've taken have been much needed.

I've had some rest and done some nice things. I guess there have been some things that I really should have been grateful for but it's a little bit hard to to find joy in your life where there is none.

I guess that is the whole point of this adventure I have undertaken. To find something wonderful in each day and I feel like I have failed at even that at the moment.

I know that it's up to me to bring joy back into my life. It just feels like everything has been going wrong and life just is miserable.

Each day, my friend Tiff sends around a "Thought for the Day" to motivate and inspire people. Last week the following was sent to my email:

Now is the time to live to fight another day. The temptaion is to always fight to the bitter end. But sometimes it is wiser to take the longer view. When a situation is irrepairable, or the circumstances have changed dramatically, it may be better to cut your losses. Acknowledge the mistake. Learn the lesson. Salvage the position. Live to fight another day.

Better to lose the anchor, than to lose the whole ship.

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying....that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.

I don't think anything has ever rung so true to me before. There are some things that I have been fighting so hard to keep in my life that I've stopped living. Searching for forgiveness that is likely never to come.

In truth, I need to forgive myself. Because while I wait and wait and wait, I'm not learning and I'm not healing. I'm wishing I could change things that I cannot. Enough. So let's just see if I can't find my "grateful" again. Let's see if I can find that grateful every day. Let me find joy.

But let me be grateful today for not being grateful because it has reminded me of what I'm trying to achieve here. It has jolted me back out of my misery and into my thoughtless admiration of all the good things in my life.

So here's to trying again. Grateful!