Day 90 - Today I am grateful for....making it through the day

I slept horribly last night. In fact I dispute that I even actually slept.

I tossed. I turned. I was hot. I was cold. I was thinking. I was crying. It was just a horrible night.

Normally I could sleep on a rose bush but not last night. I was wide awake....thinking.

I've been really hurt by some people in the past couple of days. People I thought were some of my closest friends.

I'm sure that they still are my friends but I'm not feeling it. I guess I just don't understand. I keep forgetting that I am different to other people and I'm let down frequently.

Unfortunately, I'm feeling like I'm being lied to as well and I'm not loving it.

I feel disappointed and hurt. Make no mistake, I'm not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. I have hurt and disappointed people myself, very recently even and my heart aches every day for the pain I've caused to them. And I can't fix it. But this is different again.

Different people. Different situation. And I can't control this one.

I'm also wound up tighter than a snare drum as my divorce is due to be finalised tomorrow and I'm missing him terribly...still.

And so my brain fights the battles of the world and the battles of my heart....in my sleep.

My mind ticked over and over about what I might say. And even still today I didn't get the chance.

It was a really long day. I'm feeling helpless and overwhelmed and like I'm letting the team down at every turn. And that's only work. Imagine the chaos in my heart?

So for today, I'm grateful that I actually made it through the day without falling sleep or worse (read: mumbling mess in the corner....rocking because I have finally lost my mind)

Grateful!