Day 89 - Today I am grateful for....laughter through tears

Laughter through tears is my favourite emotion.

One of my closest girlfriends has been going through a really tough time recently.

I've never felt more helpless in my whole life.

There are some times in a friendship where you wish you could take away the person's pain. Even for one minute. At least for that one minute, they wouldn't hurt anymore.

My heart just breaks for her.

But she smiled today and she even had a little laugh. So even for that very brief moment, her heart had let go of her pain. And no matter how fleeting that feeling was for her, it was there none the less.

And my heart was overjoyed! Call me sentimental but is there anything better in the world than laughter through tears?
Grateful x

Day 88 - Today I am grateful for....excited brides-to-be

Today marked the Preston Manor Wedding Expo.

When I stumbled across the brochure, I quickly passed it onto Karissa, Vicki & Megan - the three remaining brides to be for this year, who I am blessed to have been asked to be bridesmaid for.

It happened to fall on a Sunday which I had off and so we all ventured out.

Not everyone was able to make it (bridesmaid wise) but the brides did and that's the main thing.

It was a bitter sweet day for me.

I was so chuffed to look at my girlfriends and watch their brains ticking over at the endless possibilities for their perfect day. I watched them smile politely and chat and laugh and look and touch and breathe their special days. It was lovely.

I watched hundreds of girls file through the expo, and they were all so thrilled to be there. There were photographers and wedding dresses and cake makers and beauty therapists and musicians. It was a little bit overwhelming and I had wondered if it would bother me but it really didn't.

But there is the tiny little part of me that remains sad, no matter how hard I try to keep it at bay. That niggling little part in my brain that contains memories of happier times, and the question of if it will ever happen again for me?

I couldn't even tell you if there is hope in my heart at this point. It's still very much healing and so I choose not to even let my heart or my head go to that place for fear of continuing to try live a life that doesn't exist for me anymore.

I can honestly say that I am finally OK with wedding planning. It was hard at first but I'm getting used to it. It's not so much the in your face reminder of happiness and love that bothers me, as much as the in your face reminder of the loss of my actual marriage.

It would be fairly accurate to say that this is a difficult challenge that I have chosen to undertake this year but frankly, if there was another way to truly put my fears and pain to rest, then I can't think of one?

I shouldn't be scared to share this time with my friends. I shouldn't be worried that they will notice if a flicker of pain crosses my heart. They are my friends. And they will love me anyway.

I loved every second of my wedding. I had everything that I wanted. It was a perfect and wonderful day. The only thing I would have obviously potentially changed, would have been who I married. Cest la vie.

For now, I choose to live vicariously through my girls. Their hope and excitement. The love that they share with their respective fiances. I know that they will have perfect days - each of them and I can't wait!

Grateful x

Day 87 - Today I am grateful for....lawn mower fuel!

So I had a bit of a shocker today.....

I was running low on fuel but I had an errand to run directly after work, so I thought I would do it after.

Whilst dropping off keys, I left my car running while I was parked in the driveway chatting and the unthinkable happened.....I ran out of fuel and the car kind of stopped running. He didn't notice. I did.

OMG.

The mortification of running out of fuel in the driveway of a virtual stranger. **cringe**

I didn't really let on and kept chatting. We said our goodbyes and I attempted to pull out of his very steep driveway.

I was praying that I had enough fuel to get me to a fuel station. Epic Fail.

I didn't even have enough fuel to pull out of the driveway onto the sidewalk.

It stopped midway on the road.

I quickly turned on my hazzard lights and ran back up the driveway, with the arse of my car on the road blocking traffic.

The gentleman engaged the assistance of his two Sons to get my car off the road and then proceeded to offer me fuel from his lawnmower to get me to the fuel station!

I am so clueless I didn't even know you could do that!

I am so grateful for the kindness offered to me this afternoon from this family and for the tiny amount of lawn mower fuel that got me to the fuel station.

I have vowed and declared NEVER to put myself into a position to ever experience this kind of embarrassment again.

Grateful for the kindness of virtual strangers :-)

Day 86 - Today I am grateful for....catch up coffees!

My friend Neil & I catch up whenever we can.

He lives in Allora but is always in and out of Toowoomba for work.

We've been friends for over a year and we met when he came to work his "magic" on George in December 2009. I have long referred to him as "The Dog Whisperer" but we have remained friends since then.

We try to catch up at least once every few weeks, although he's much better at it than I am. I don't know how he does it really! With a farm, 2 kids, a business to run plus a girlfriend who lives 200km away! Amazing stuff. But he always has time for me. If I were to need anything, I know I could absolutely call on him and he would be there.

He stops in for a coffee and we have a little chat. It's really nice to have such a special friend in my life.

We've been through a fair bit together. In fact, the first day I met him, happened to be just after my Ex-Husband had left. Said Ex-Husband came over to the house while Neil was there fixing George, screamed at me how much he despised me and then left again. Suffice to say, I was a blubbering mess for quite a while after. Some awkward first few moments with a new friend.....I didn't know what to say or do. I just stood there and I cried. And Neil hugged me. I'd known him for maybe half an hour.

I'd never experienced that kind of instant friendship and acceptance before in my life. I'd given it but I'd never recieved it. And so began our friendship. I guess God decided I needed someone right then, and there he was. Many times we've been there for each other in some form or another since then. And we always have a laugh over a cup of coffee or a movie and noodles.

Neil really is an amazing guy. He has some 13 years of life experience on me but has been through very similar to me. He is funny and sweet and thoughtful; a really casual soul and I'm so blessed for his friendship in my life.

I'm also uber-thankful that his lovely girlfriend doesn't mind sharing him with me for catch up coffees occasionally :-)

It doesn't seem to matter the time or the distance, nothing changes between visits. We laugh and talk and share stories. There is no judgement, just the love of a friend.

And so today, I am grateful for the random text message from my wonderful friend and subsequent catch up coffee.

Love love xx

Day 85 - Today I am grateful for....Advil

I've had a cracker of a headache for a few weeks now.

It just doesn't seem to go away.

And no, I'm not hungover. I don't even drink! It's just there. All the bloody time.

Maybe I should start drinking? Then I might have a reason for this stupid blinding thump in my brain? Blah.

You know it's a good one when you wake up with it. Yuck.

And so today, I am grateful for Advil. You rock my world.

Grateful.

Day 84 - Today I am grateful....I am Australian!

Today is Australia Day and frankly there is nowhere in the world I would rather be.

We are one.
But we are many.
And from all the lands on earth we come.
We share a dream
And sing with one voice.
I am.
You are.
We are....Australian.

After an epic and tragic few weeks, it is lovely to be able to celebrate being an Australian and remember why we love our heritage and where we come from.

I'd not really planned to do very much today but when I woke up and the sky was blue and it was already hot - so Australia - it kind of spurred a feeling inside. Bring on the Beer & BBQ with friends (minus the beer for the boring girl over here) I say!

Little Georgie was having an Australia Day BBQ and so I ventured out of my little hermit house and headed over. My goodness! What a bunch of proud Aussies were celebrating there! Barely midday and they were already three sheets to the wind and loving it. Armed with Australian flags and temporary tattoos we were ready to celebrate!. It was so cute to see all of them in their carefully planned outfits. It was really special.

From there I headed over to Jason's house for a little more Aussie Day goodness. Whilst the outfits were by no means comparable, the Aussie Spirit sure was. Snags on the BBQ and me with my Coke, I had a really lovely day.

There is a lot to be said for catching up with friends to celebrate your nationality. The only other people in the world that know how to do it like us are possibly the Irish....lol

I love being Australian. I love everything about it. I love the freedom. I love the freedom of speech. I love the familiarity. I love the casual nature. I love our humour. I love BBQ's and thongs. I love the beauty of our sunburnt land. I love that we are just an awesome and amazing people. I love our country and I'm uber proud to call Australia home.

And so today, and every day, I'm grateful that I am Australian.

Day 83 - Today I am grateful for....an impromptu girls night in!

Tonight marked a cosy night in with my girl Tiff.

Neither of us had anywhere in particular to be, so I bought around dinner, we went and got waffles and icecream for dessert and watched a movie.

Tiff and I have been friends for a little over a year. We just have the best fun when we are together. We talk rubbish and laugh - a lot. There is 10 years between us but it doesn't ever seem to matter. She tells me all of her funny stories and I can't help but smile because I've been there so many years before. Although I think she has way more fun than I ever did?

And so tonight we watched Julie & Julia. A movie about a girl who blogs her way through a famous cook book. Hmmmm. Sounds familiar - the blogging part at least. We veged.

I love those impromptu nights in. The kind where it isn't planned and you really don't do anything out of the ordinary but it's still cool just the same?

Grateful x