Day 11 - Today I am grateful for....Sleep

Today I am grateful for....Sleep

Words cannot express how grateful I will be to snuggle up into my bed tonight and get some sleep.
 

I'm not a person who suffers from insomnia, however, due to another illness that I suffer, I miss out on the restorative sleep that most other people experience. I envy the people who wake up every day feeling refreshed. Lucky you! Suffice to say, most days I wake up feeling worse than when I went I went to sleep but....I do sleep. And I sleep as much as humanly possible.

It is well renowned that I could sleep on a rosebush if I was tired enough. I can and have fallen asleep in a very loud and very busy nightclub. This may or may not have been more acceptable had I been inebriated. I was however, stone cold sober (as per usual), very tired and...it was a really good sleep. I can sleep anywhere and if I'm tired enough, I do. Hospital floors, a Yankees game in Yankee Stadium in NYC, the side of the road, septic tanks, in the back of my little hyundai, under tables in restaurants, nightclubs, in a swag, in a chair....in fact just about anywhere.

Obviously when my Ex-Husband left, there were many sleepless nights, to which very thankfully, the medical profession intervened and supplied me sleeping tablets. I relied heavily on them for several months. If I managed to get to sleep, the nightmares were hideous and I invariably woke up thinking. My brain kept attacking me for the many reasons that my marriage went wrong. Thankfully, the tablets worked, and as time passed, I was able to slow my brain down, wean myself off all medication and my sleeping patterns returned to normal. I dream very rarely now unless I'm really tired and I very rarely wake up thinking. All part of the healing process I guess.

More recently though, in the past couple of months, my body has again begun to tell me that I'm weary and probably should be resting a little bit more than I do. But somehow, my mind twists everything and I keep thinking that the world will go into lockdown if I'm not there. My rational brain tells me this isn't true of course, but my irrational brain always tells me that someone needs me, I've made a commitment to be somewhere, I need to be out of the house, or God forbid...I might miss out on something.

As an adult, I should know better but old habits die hard I guess. So I thoroughly look forward to whatever sleep I can cram into my day.

After pretending last night that I wasn't 30 and didn't have to work today, I partied with all the cool kids until after midnight. (And yes, I am aware of how utterly lame that sounds, but believe me when I tell you that's a late night for me). When my brain kicked in, it reminded me that I had to work and don't cope without sleep, I went home. Which would have been fine if my very-drunk-man-friend (I'm too old for a boyfriend) wasn't up for a chit chat until 2am. Bloody men! Honestly.

So my proposed 8 hours sleep turned into 5 and now I'm ready to collapse with exhaustion. My whole body hurts and I have a headache. I'm pretty glad that I avoided the alcohol to go with my late night or the accompanying hangover to go with said lack-of-sleep may have actually killed me! The only saving grace for working all day today, was the company, a quick catch up with some girlfriends after work and having dinner cooked for me by above said chatty man-friend.....oh and the fact that I'm going to sleep very very soon.

So today, I'm prempting my grateful to something that is coming. Sleep. Very very soon :-)