I received a message this morning with news of the tragic passing of a friend of mine, and I think my heart stopped momentarily. Surely not? There must be some kind of mistake? He was so young! Their family has been through so much already. I literally couldn't think of a useful thing to say. My whole heart hurt, not only for the loss of a friend but for his family and other people who knew and loved him.
And I couldn't help but wonder, what possible lesson could there be in this horrific loss? I don't understand God sometimes. Why do such terrible things happen to good people? It literally makes no sense to me. I prayed for his family and (most selfishly) for my day to pass quickly as my concentration went out the window.
I'm not great with death. I'm not afraid of dying but I don't want to die. There have been times in my life, many years ago, where that has not always been the case. And I'm then humbled and ashamed by that fleeting thought all those years ago, and I wonder how I could ever have been so collosally selfish to think that someone wouldn't miss me? And just like today, a wonderful young man has been cruelly taken away from his family and friends, who will miss him terribly. Where is the justice? Life just isn't fair sometimes.
Moments later, after receiving such heartbreaking news, I received some wonderfully happy news. News that was 10 years in the making. One of my oldest and best friends, Vicki, had become engaged! My heart was instantly filled with immense joy. I'm so very excited for her. And so begins the planning stages of an event to be filled with love and happiness.
Vicki & Nathan are the couple in a relationship that one aspires to be in, in life. Happy, successful and content. So comfortable around each other that they are simply an extension of each other. In 10 years there has been every high and every low imaginable and they have conquered the big stuff together. The uber-perfect couple. I'm in awe of the way they love each other and make each other happy every day.
There were so many emotions flowing around me today, it was very bittersweet. I'm not confident that my heart can fit the two in? So I'm choosing, for today at least, to let the happy fill my heart, instead of the sad.
So for today, I am grateful for happy news on a sad day.
Sorry to hear of the obviously sudden and sad loss. But a joyful perspective sees you through. The God that I am in relation with throws nothing at us, I feel, but rather has set the world in motion --- hurts follows, great things come, and he's right there beside us but not out to do anymore than walk with us ... that's my spin, but I don't know everything! xx Dave
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