Day 18 - Today I am grateful for....Chapters in the book of my Life

Today I am grateful for Chapters in the book of my life.

I broke up with my man-friend today.

I cried.

I'm devastated.

Again.

Haven't I been here before?

But I am grateful for the time we spent together. It was lovely. He is an amazing man but I, unfortunately, am not the person he would choose to spend the rest of his life with. Apparently, I'm not that girl for anyone.

Another chapter in the book of my life that has come to an end.

It's a sad realisation to have come to, that I may actually be alone forever. I'm not being melodramatic. I'm not fishing for sympathy. It's honestly something that I probably need to start coming to terms with. It's not what I would choose for myself but it's looking more and more that way each day. No matter how positive I try to keep myself, and find something wonderful in every day, the chapters keep coming to a close in very similar ways. One would have to assume, that as I am the common denominator, that the fault effectively does lie somewhere with me. Perhaps there is a lesson somewhere in all of this for me?

In fairness, he never lied to me. He was never cruel to me. He never raised his voice at me or called me names. He was kind and gentle and non-assuming. A gentle, laid back soul whom I adored. But, we just weren't meant to be. I simply wasn't enough for him.

I feel the all too familiar ache in my heart. The feeling of worthlessness and hatred for myself. The feeling that I'm just not good enough for anyone. I won't let that feeling settle in my heart for too long though. And let's face it, the recovery time is much quicker these days and I'm sure in a couple of days I will be OK again.

That said, it's all a part of the book of my life isn't it? Each chapter in my book has it's own story. It's like a million stories in one book, and that book defines me. And each time I finish a chapter, I try to find a reason to look back on it fondly.

So today, I'm choosing to be grateful for this chapter and every chapter in the book I call my life. No matter how heartbreaking, they make me, well, me.

And tomorrow, I'm sure I'll be back to remembering how awesome I am because....After every dark night, there is always a much brighter day....