I enjoyed a random quick visit this afternoon, with some new friends that I made through my ex-man friend - His best friend Peter & lovely wife, Cynthia.
They popped in for a quick chat, clearly a bit sad that the wheels had fallen off our relationship.
As I have mentioned previously, I was not the one who he wanted to share the rest of his life with and I respect that. I'm not angry, just hurt. You can't make someone feel something that they don't, even if I was nowhere near clarifying that kind of commitment in my own head. Having been previously married also turned out to be a bug-bear for him, in terms of he felt like he would have always been my second choice. He also had previously told me that he felt that his friends had judged him for me being married. I could maybe understand that if I was the one who had broken my marriage, but I wasn't. And at the end of the day, being married is a part of my story and I'm not going to lie about it, if someone asks me. Cest le vie! But I was actually really thankful that they popped in, because it gave me a chance to let them know my side, for whatever worth it is. I was able to tell them how I felt and that I missed him. That's not to say it would ever make any difference, but it was certainly some closure for me and some reassurance that I'm not a horrible person.
And as vain as it sounds, it was nice to hear that they were sorry for me that things hadn't worked out. It was nice to hear that they thought he was mad for letting me go! lol. I appreciated the sentiment and it validated me. We talked and laughed and chatted for about half an hour.
I'm hardly home during the day, so to jag me here must be some kind of small miracle!
It's kind of one of those spur of the moment things, to pop in on someone. They are suddenly on your mind and you think, why not see if they're home for a cuppa?
To put things into perspective for you though.....I HATE surprises and always have. No surprise Birthday parties. No surprise gifts. No change in plans. No surprises of any kind. I don't cope particularly well. In fact, I think it's more of a change thing. It is well known that I don't cope well with change - AT ALL, and a surprise is a version of change. It's something I wasn't expecting and it completely throws me. I don't even cope well with getting lost! It's definately a control thing for me. I am completely out of my comfort zone and I hate it. I'm kind of getting better with age but it's still something I struggle with.
I'm hopeless though. As if my phobia affects everyone, I always have to ring first. To make sure it's OK. That I'm not intruding. That they're not in their pyjamas or worse...lol. But whilst I'm like that, I'm not at all peturbed if someone drops in on me to visit. It's odd. I don't do surprises but I don't mind surprise visits. I love it in fact....unless my house is a brothel. Then I'm madly rushing around trying to clean it!
But it's nice to know I'm in someone's thoughts, as so many people cross mine each day.
So today, I'm grateful for surprise visitors! What a treat :-)
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