Day 27 - Today I am grateful for...Dinner with Friends

I enjoyed dinner with four of my closest friends tonight, Vic & Nathan and Bradley & Megan.

Both couples are newly engaged and I'm honoured to have been asked to be bridesmaid for both of them!

I wanted to cook dinner for them as a little way of congratulating them in the only way I know how - a gathering.

There's something to be said for good times with good friends. No matter the time between visits or the distance, friends are friends and good friends pick up exactly where you left off.

So I cooked. Yes, you read that correctly. I cooked. Curried Sausages and Mash. Boring but yum!

We sat around and talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. The girls talked weddings and the boys talked camping.

We even got busy talking and arranging our next trip to Fraser Island in Easter 2011. It's going to be great!

As I looked at my friends though, happy and in love, talking about weddings and dresses, I couldn't help but reflect on my own marriage. There seemed a very obvious hole and I felt a little bit like the fifth wheel. I felt bad that the boys didn't have my male contribution to the friendship circle and not that they would ever have thought that or intentionally made me feel it, but I felt it. For the first time in a really long time, I missed my Husband.

It's not often that I think of him and even less that I miss him, but sometimes, in social situations, I miss him.

That's not to say that I don't enjoy entertaining any more but I realised tonight that I've turned into a bit of a recluse. What happened to me? When did I become so panicked about not being able to contribute to a social situation without a man by my side? How ridiculous.

Turn back the clock 2 years and there were always people at my house. I was forever cooking and entertaining and I loved it. I love having friends in my home and I always feel continually blessed having such wonderful people around me. My Ex-Husband and I were both very social people. If it wasn't dinner, it was a party. It was fun and they were good times that I look back on fondly.

I guess I realised tonight though, that I need to find a new niche in my life. I need to find a way to entertain my friends without feeling strange or lonely in my own heart or my home. I need to learn to be comfortable on my own and remember that my awesomeness is more than enough to pretend I'm two people for the moment, until Mr Right comes knocking on my door.

I'm grateful to my friends tonight for not letting me feel lonely. I'm grateful that they took time out of their days to come and spend time with me.

I choose to believe that they were here to enjoy my company and amazing cooking and not because they felt sorry for me. I choose to believe that one day there will be six at my table instead of five.....

I'm so very grateful to my lovely friends for keeping me company tonight. Love you guys xxx