Day 12 - Today I am grateful for....The end of an era

Today I am grateful for....The end of an era

I filed for divorce today.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I'm torn between the elation of a new beginning, and the torture of a lost love.

4 years of my life. Gone. A chapter in the book of my life....slammed shut.

Today marks the end of an era. I choose for my sadness to be fleeting. Lord knows the recovery time for me these days is much quicker....

I look back on my marriage with happiness and gratitude. I am grateful that I met my (now) Ex-Husband. I am grateful that I married him. I am grateful for the time we shared together. We shared a lot of love and a lot of happiness. By comparison, our married life was short compared to a lot of other unfortunate people in my position, but it doesn't lessen the pain. However, I choose to remember the man I married, not the man that broke my heart and left. The man I married, was gregarious, charming, thoughtful, kind, gentle and loving. And that is how I choose to remember him and our time together.

Our marriage didn't work. For whatever reason, we were not suited in life. I'm not so vain as to believe that I am the only one in the history of the world who this has happened to. But in my world, it was a terrible loss for me. And I feel a grief that will potentially settle in my heart for my lifetime. It will not define me though. I will not let pain and bitterness eat at me until I am but a shell of my former self. What is the point in dwelling on the past? What is the point in wallowing in my own self pity? What is the point in hoping for a miracle that will never come? There is none. What is done, is done and cannot be undone.

So I choose to close this chapter in my life, my way. It will not be slammed shut for me. I am closing it myself. I choose to look back at the end of an era without bitterness in my heart. I choose to forgive the pain and betrayal. I choose to remember the good times. I choose to believe that this is not the last man on earth that I will love. I choose to believe that I deserve to be happy again. I choose to believe that I am worth loving. I choose to believe, that one day, I will be more than enough for someone. I choose to move forward with my life. Always forward, never backwards.

To the end of an era....looking foward to a whole new one!