But you know what? I'm thankful for that. For that means that I'm fortunate enough to even have food.
There are so many people in this world who suffer from starvation and hunger. So many people who are not fortunate enough to enjoy food; one of life's simplest pleasures.
There are also people in life who choose not to indulge. Or to the alternate extreme, indulge too much. There needs to be balance. Food is designed for nutrition, nourishment and ultimately enjoyment.
I'm all for eating healthy, don't misunderstand me. But I believe that all things should be in moderation. I know I need to eat better than I have done in the past. I enjoy healthy food, but sometimes, convenience wins out over health. Particularly in my job.
I was overweight before my Husband left. I didn't realise just how heavy I'd gotten until I lost 20 kg in about 6 weeks. I didn't do anything drastic to achieve this, I just stopped eating so much rubbish. My Ex-Husband had hollow legs and in an attempt to fill him up, by osmosis, I ended up eating the same amount as he did. I had no relationship with food. I just ate for the sake of eating. I had missed the whole point. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. So when he left, and I wasn't eating so much, the weight kind of just came off.
I'm not a comfort eater. In fact, I'm very much the opposite. I don't stop eating when I'm distressed but I don't overeat to compensate an emotion. Don't get me wrong, as a teenage girl in our society today, there is the ultimate pressure to be stick thin and beautiful. I battled with food for many years. I constantly saw myself as the overweight red head with freckles. Boys didn't look at me. Instead they much preferred my beautiful and much slimmer counterparts. Not much has changed, except my attitude to me.
I guess to this day, I'm still not the poster girl for beauty.
I'm astounded by the stick insects that are meant to sell clothes these days. Normal people just don't look like that. What happened to being a great person with a loving heart? What happened to doing well at school? What happened to dressing for your size and being happy with that? What happened to being comfortable and happy in your own skin? What happened to being healthy?
Long gone are the days where Marilyn Monroe was considered beautiful at a size 14. Now it's all about size 6 and smaller. Sometimes I look at those models and I just want to kidnap them and feed them steak! How sad they seem.
I'm not going to sit here and preach that I am happy in my own skin, because ultimately I'm not. I would like to lose more weight. I would love to be fashionable and beautiful. I would love for men to just fall over themselves to get to me because I am all of the above. The reality is much different - I'm a size 14. I still have red hair and freckles. I will never be beautiful or skinny. And that's life.
It's only my opinion, but what's on the inside of me, a loving and giving heart, far outweighs (pardon the pun) the negative....
I would like to be a healthy size 12. I'm not expecting any smaller, because my hips have a whole different plan for my life. They are designed to bear children and so I will never be a stick insect, as I simply don't have the body shape. But this year, I plan to exercise more and tone up the good work that I have already achieved.
But moreover, I plan to learn to love my body. Flaws and all, I need to nurture it and take better care of it. And I need to develop a healthier relationship to food. In my opinion, the two go hand in hand.
God gave me a wonderful instrument to enjoy life with, and so I owe it to myself to enjoy what I have and make it work to the best of my ability. So today, I am very grateful for food, a full stomach, and all of the blessed feelings that come with both.....
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