I'm stubborn and don't often like to admit that I'm fragile. I guess I fell apart so badly last year that it doesn't seem fair to ask for anymore help. I believe I have used up all of my friendship vouchers and it's not fair to burden people with my problems...again.
But I've been making some really poor decisions in the past year and have hurt people unintentionally by my actions. I need help.
Whilst I can't change the past, I can change me. And I acknowledge that I need to.
I've been reckless and thoughtless and it really is time for me to grow up, swallow my pride, admit my wrongs and start taking people's advice! I freely give it out, so it's time for me to listen and really hear. Contrary to popular belief, I actually don't know everything.
Clearly my judgement is clouded and I'm all sorts of broken (read: mentally f*cked up) since my Husband left. I wish it wasn't the case but it really is and sorry just doesn't cut it sometimes.
I guess from here, the first step is admitting to needing help. Done. The second is accessing that help. Done. The third is following it. Work in progress.
So this is me, admitting that I'm human and I need assistance....still. I've dropped my bundle. Big time.
I still need some polishing. And there is a ways to go before my conscience will be clear of all the mistakes I've made in my life. I'm the only one who can change me and I have much to learn. I've made the appointment with one of the only neutral people I know that will listen without judgement and so I wait patiently for the sound advice that will surely come.
Grateful.
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